Derailed psychological analysis: Men, this is how to cross the border

Recently, in the background, I often receive question stories related to "Liao Sao", "ambiguous", "derailment", and "forgiveness". I have to sigh:

In the past, the car and horses were slow, and they only loved one person throughout my life; now the hustle and bustle of the world seems to be able to fall in love with a person in a stop.

In this era of free pursuit of love, although people can choose each other, loyalty is getting lower and lower, and the problems they face are getting more and more straightforward.

Emotion will hurt, which seems to be a law.But betrayal often hurts people.

Therefore, today’s article is mainly based on the questioning of the "betrayal" level to give some answers and methods.

01

Want to have a good time, but also take a detour?

Some readers once told me that she met her current boyfriend because of her work, four years younger than her, and she was a young man in the eyes of ordinary people.

But her boyfriend’s parents resolutely opposed it, and her boyfriend also fought for a long time.

Some time ago, the attitude was difficult to develop in a good direction, but found that her boyfriend derailed his ex -girlfriend.

She felt that she was caught in infinite darkness, but her boyfriend cried begging her not to give up this relationship, and it showed that she was just a physical derailment. She really loved her.

She agreed, in fact, only she knew that she had not really forgive her boyfriend, but it was justified.

Whenever she thought of this, her heart was dripping blood, her trust almost reduced to zero, and she lived in uneasiness every day.

Why do men want to have a good time and take detours?There are two most common reasons:

1) inertia.

Although boys have started a new life and want to live well.But in the past so many years, he has left some inertia in his life.

These inertia are a bit like a type of reaction that we have occurred from small to large.

For example, when I was sitting on a plane, I never ate bread or butter. I never knew why, and I never thought about the reason. This is an inertia I have never thought about.

And when this inertia was established in my life, I didn’t even find it myself, and never thought why I didn’t eat bread.

Until one time, I took a plane with a psychologist.At that time, the stewardess gave us food and handed me a bread. I said I would not eat it.He was weird at the time, and asked me, "Why don’t you eat bread? It is delicious to apply butter."

I said, "Actually, I really want to know why, I haven’t thought about it, and I don’t know why."

He said, "Try it, it’s really good."

I replied, "Well, forget it."

Then he said, "Then think about it, what do you think of this butter? What do you think of?"

After listening to his question, I felt very interesting, I tried to think about the butter made me think of.

Soon, I thought that when I was very young, I was at home once, hungry and nothing to eat. When I found it everywhere at home, I found a small jar of yellow and cool oil, and then I put it through the whole.The cans of cool oil are eaten.

Everyone knows that the result of eating cool oil is terrible.

When I recalled the source of this incident, I decided to try it now.

After trying it, I was surprised to find that the butter was delicious on the bread.So after that time, I established a brand new habit: eating bread and butter, and still loved it until now.

The above is just an experience that I perceive my inertia. In our lives, how much is we not realizing inertia?

The most terrible thing about life is that we don’t know we don’t know.

I didn’t know why I didn’t eat bread or butter, and that time I changed it completely.

Therefore, is it possible for boys to be in an inertia that "I don’t know I don’t know"?

Of course, this is not to say that he can not be responsible for the wrong thing because he is inertia, nor is he talking about him, but just wants to give you an inspiration: don’t just judge the high and below of others, how many blind spots we have in our lives?

2) Temptation.

Maybe the boy knew what he was doing, but when he was now coming to him, he did it in the face of temptation, or even no need to pay any cost, and he did it.

In many people’s lives, there are such moments facing temptation. They know that one thing is wrong, but there is no cost, so they do it.

On the other hand, when a girl agrees to forgive him, it is not really forgiveness, because there is no real consequences for the other party.For him, this wrong thing was zero -cost.

But if loyalty is the agreement between the two sides, when he violates the agreement, he needs to get a punishment result, so that he will know that he is wrong and he will never dare.

Anyone will face temptation, but so that we can still not forget their first minds in the face of temptations, not only their own inside adherence, but also to know the rules that we need to be in awe.

02

Why forgive him for derailment and escape?

A reader once told me that she and her husband had been from school uniforms to wedding dresses for 18 years, but received a message during the epidemic, revealing her husband’s extramarital affairs.

Her husband did not admit that there was an extramarital affairs, saying that it was just a confidant, but after tracking, it was confirmed that there was indeed extramarital affairs.

Immediately after a year of marriage restoration, the way the other party dated changed from the original mobile phone chat to a park to meet.

For three consecutive months, before going to work every day, spend 15 minutes in the morning to the park parking lot for 20 minutes before returning to the unit.After being caught on the spot, the other party did not admit derailment, saying that it was simply meeting.

She chose to forgive and said that she could feel that the other party was working hard, but she could also feel that the other party was escaping and rejected sexual life with the pretext of physical deficiency.

From a text message between the epidemic reveal the other party’s extramarital affairs, to the on -site arrest of 15 minutes to meet in the park parking lot per day, and then to the positioning trajectory of the positioning in the chat historyWhat?

This boy seems to know the functionality of the marriage relationship very well, such as taking care of children and others.

In this relationship, he knew what he was doing.But the girl didn’t know what she was doing, or what the relationship could provide her, she didn’t know.

In such a relationship, what is very clear is that these demands made by girls cannot be met.

For example, why is there love and sexuality before the incident, and there is no love after the incident is revealed?

The answer is simple, because the relationship between each other before the incident, but after the incident, the relationship between the police and the thief.

How can the party who is hunting still need sexual needs for the arrest?

Sex is originally an equal relationship, but for some men, I still hope to have a sense of conquest.

However, it is now the relationship between girls conquer boys.Under such a relationship, it is difficult for a man to have sexual expectations and expectations.

Therefore, when a relationship is recovered, more support and communication should be provided at the spiritual level.

03

How to deal with derailment?

1) Defense micro -du.

The previous girl said, "I find my husband’s trend of betraying me, I am afraid of his derailment, what should I do?" In my opinion, this is a signs of danger.

For this kind of situation, we must prevent micro -duration.But the strategy of "saying directly to the other party" is not good, which will definitely cause further resistance of the other party.

When all people deal with the type of betrayal type, they must understand the most profound basic principle: No one in the world will think that their betrayal is wrong.

There is a very interesting feature here that most of the betrayers think that they are not betrayal.

People who are often betrayed are betrayal, but the other party thinks not.Even if the girl takes out the direct evidence, there are still many excuses to justify and say that they are innocent.

Therefore, it will definitely not be a good strategy.

Therefore, you can solve this incident from two aspects:

On the one hand, you need to explain the results of the matter with the other party.

For example, tell the other party that if you really derail, you will divorce; tell the other party where the bottom line is, and you must let the other party know the cost consequences of the problem.

On the other hand, we must do a good job of self -improvement so that the other party knows that it is valuable.

Although there will be a lot of temptations outside, in general, if it is handled properly, this situation will not endanger the family, and it is the best for girls to do well.

2) Seek the balance point of the problem.

When a girl repeatedly discovered the other half to be ambiguous with others, sometimes the other party confessed that the girl would fall into the conflict of self -conflict because the girl believed that the other party was not derailed in the real sense or for other reasons.

This situation is not difficult to understand.Because for anyone, it is difficult to say that breaking up.

For most people, seeking a balance point is the most important thing, that is, it can satisfy what they want, and they can bear it.

Therefore, if a person is the most important for a person, the girl should immediately stop the loss immediately; if other things are more important, it means that we will open one eye and close one eye in the future.

Life, especially the world of emotions, has no right or wrong, only suitable for not suitable, only what you want, only choice, and this choice cannot be done for us.

3) Improve your situation.

There was a girl with her husband for two years, but when she was pregnant, her husband chose to derail and abandon her -this is the typical situation of "a girl was directly promoted to a very difficult situation".

I said before that the best way to get rid of the predicament is not to enter this situation, but when a girl has entered, the best way should be -immediately and immediately find a way to save.

The urgency of saving is to figure out the fact that the child in the stomach may be unsure.

Because a girl will be very difficult to raise alone, and it may be difficult for future life reconstruction.

In this situation, it is meaningless to condemn the "boyfriend (husband) who allows girls to encounter such a situation, or analyze why the victims have not taken contraceptive measures in the past."

The most meaningful thing that should be done at the moment is to immediately improve your situation.

This is also a chance to re -come again, and the opportunity needs to fight by yourself.

No one wants to experience betrayal in feelings, but there are tens of millions of people in the world. They can restrain themselves, but they may not be restrained.

Therefore, I hope that everyone can protect themselves in their feelings; they also hope that no matter what they experience in their feelings, they will give priority to themselves, don’t let their youth fall, let alone neglect their real needs in their lives.

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